i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
