god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
did you just send me my own nude
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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