I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
