just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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