Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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