my room smells like sperm. sweet.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
