I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
