Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
