...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
