She's JV to your varsity
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
