Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
