so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
