I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
