The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
