Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
