His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
this boner is exhausting
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
