I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
