Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
