So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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