just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
