if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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