Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
