Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
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Do I have a choice?
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I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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