...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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