its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
