you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
