Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dicks are not precious.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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