the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
