I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it was like eating out sand paper
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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