we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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