well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize