i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
