Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have feelings that need drinking.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
