Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
