Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
