alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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