we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
