Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize