The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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