Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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