I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
