Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
