Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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