How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
