We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
