Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
