oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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