miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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