Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
