at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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