walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
