47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize