My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize