I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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