Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
