yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
