My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize