i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
