Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
