Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
