I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
