You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
