It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I need water and some morals
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
